1. Human hair, pointed nose like a javelin pole, foundation present, eyelashes that can flog a hefty man to tears, pink lips like my primary school crayon.
2. Breast pads on board, waist trainer intact, butt lifting pads at work, pedicure and manicure taken care of.
3. Crop top alert, I’ve never even cropped a photo that high once, high waist trousers, how much?… High waste! High heels, trash steps.
4. Necklace-like it’s helmet on the neck (neck-ment), I’d pass, I’d rather have a dog tag, earrings so shiny but the ear stinks, bangles so many but won’t make an account in the bank boost, body spray, hmm, body slayed and they yell: “she slays!” as she catwalks to her grave.
5. Hi-five to four others alike, it’s already past five, let’s get going to quilox if only one of them would yell: “our actions will kill us!”
6. Spirit-mama, her tongues are exotic but can’t be imported, the way she handles prayer in church ‘na’ Venza, she’s radically inclined in the spirit, angle of inclination must be >360. Eye service on Sundays and on other days to the men she says: hi, iService.
7. Smart girl, Papa knows not, professional hacker, bypasses all mum’s security checks, “kiddy, take a very good look at your sister, she’s worth emulating” the husky voice says. Babe you sharp, ‘abi’?
8. Back to school, “iya ijo” disturbs you too much, “babe your holy holy sef too much” you retort, ‘man gats live good life na, what to do’? . Okay, continue, you’ll soon know.
9. You’ve got your lecturers at your fingertips, expo queen, na you dey give classmates tips, I heard you got a special recognition award at Eko hotel and suites. Premium user.
10. Trust me he says, ‘I no fit use you play 10-10’, father of four, the least amongst his kids is 34, but not that for his words you fall, you know already how the game goes, ‘na ARISTOcracy you dey run’. Babe sup!
11. Elected for doom by self, a boy had left her heart in ruins and she ain’t picking it up, rather she’s working, making the ruins rubbles and I see smokes coming soon.
12. How far, the worst of all is your deceit, it us outright devilish, Nneka just can’t believe it! You are quoting bible verses, really???
13. NYSC on point, time to give your reputation a total facelift, “Babe na to marry one rich young handsome bobo o, no dulling” hmm…
14. Well-done, you’ve got him in your curls “na bad girls dey get the good guy” so you playing the format on this naive dude.
15. Fitting in, as the plan didn’t work, the format failed like his naivety got erased, no prospective hubby not even bae, so after many tries you are thinking of giving young ones trials and their’s a “prize” attached, your “wealth” of experience + financial balance, your “hard earned money”.
16. Plan A and B didn’t work, so it all comes down to plan C, it’s all on Christ now, you now offer marathon prayers to God, the last 5 Shiloh had your presence, “you don really repent” you say, ‘Baba God knows’
17. 21CV, society ain’t even helping matters, yet they “detest” this, but the Instagram likes shows otherwise, the facebook comments pose threats to our sanity, twitter seems to be getting sicker, bare it all and voila! You are a celebrity.
18. 21CV, what’s up with you?, ‘who you wan deceive?’ I wasn’t born last night girl I’m not naive I’m way past 18 and those assets I see only come about when induced, what’s up with you?
19. Yet to turn 25, but you already had more than 19 aristos, all you own are “expensive shi” I guess life is sweet that way, “abi no b so?”
20. In this 21st Century, with our kind of mentality, you are the ideal virgin, ‘babe wey know, the girl wey sabi’
21. 21CV, 21st Century Virgin, has aborted 8 times so far but you package, all want to feel the package, you are grinning, hmm, I concur, you’re the ideal 21st Century Virgin.
If only you would think…